We now turn to Eph. 4:29 which addresses the matter of speech or the use of the tongue. Speech is one of the primary characteristics that set us apart from the animals:
“Let no corrupting (lit. sapros – rotten) talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear ."
Our tongue is clearly an important part of our Christian testimony. Paul writes to Timothy, “Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity"[1 Tim. 4:12].
Paul reminds us that the Christian life is characterised by purity and godliness, since we are created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness (Eph.4:24).
In Eph. 5:1 we are called to be imitators of God.
Brothers and sisters, God is holy and pure, and we are called to imitate Him in His holiness and purity, by means of the grace and faith which we have received when we became believers in the Lord Jesus Christ. We need to constantly submit our bodies to God. He must guide our hands, our feet, our eyes, our ears and our mouths.
Remember also that everyone you speak to will spend eternity somewhere, and it is the Christian’s responsibility to lovingly reflect Jesus to people. We need to be constantly reminded of these things.
As we look at this text we note yet again the typical pattern of Paul’s dealing with all these issues. He states the life problem (negatively) “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths…“ before he gives a direction (positively) “….but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. “
He does not take away, without putting something in place. Let us consider the subject by following his approach.
1. DO NOT …! "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths"
Many TV sitcoms, sadly, thrive on situations where husbands and wives, parents and children, or co- workers talk each other down! Some of you will remember the BBC sitcom “Fawlty Towers”. It is very funny until you think further about it. Basil Fawlty, the owner of a hotel essentially thrives on being loud and abusive. His wife Sybil is no better. She constantly talks him down. It is sad, isn’t it that we laugh at something that reflects essentially negative behaviour. In truth, none of us likes to be talked down, and if this is so we should not be endorsing or laughing at shows where people put each other down.
- The tongue gives expression to our mind, will and emotion.
- It is clearly deeply affected by our fallen nature.
- The tongue is not naturally well - behaved.
- There are few parts of our body that give more of a foothold to Satan than the tongue. In fact, most of our sins are in our words.
As we consider our text in particular and the Scriptures in general, we note how our speech has been affected adversely.
In our immediate context in Ephesians 4 we note that the tongue...
in 4:25 … is used for lying; misrepresenting the truth.
In 4:29 … is used for tearing others down, rather than building them up.
In 4:31 … is used to express bitterness, rage, anger... slander.
In 5:4 … is used for obscenity, foolish talk; coarse joking...
In general, the letter of James teaches us concerning the use and abuse of the tongue
• James 1:26: " If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. “ That is strong language! But is that not the truth? Can one be a Christian and use one's tongue indiscriminately?
• James 3:1-12: “Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2 We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. 3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. 7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8 but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. 9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. “
James makes the powerful point that the tongue, though it is a small part of the body, it has great capacity to create huge consequences. Let us learn to control it.
A little story illustrates the powerful damage that may be caused by the tongue. The story is told of a woman who had spread a slanderous story about another person in the village in which she lived. Soon the entire village had heard it. Sometime later she confessed that the story was untrue. She asked for forgiveness. The offended person answered: "Of course I must forgive you, if you will comply with a wish of mine." "Gladly," replied the woman. The other person said, “Take a bag of feathers and go through the village, and at each corner, scatter a few of these feathers…" She did so, and when she returned she was told, “Now go through the village and gather the feathers again…” The woman looked at the other person in astonishment and said, “That's impossible; the wind has scattered them over the fields everywhere!" The person answered, "That’s right - and that's the damage done through your slanderous speech. While I gladly forgive you, do not forget that you can never undo the damage your untrue words have done. "
That is the message of James 3:1-12. The tongue can do irreparable damage. God forgives, and so must we, no matter how great the offense, but the damage remains. There are some things that can never be completely undone, even while forgiveness is freely granted. The scars may last a lifetime. For the offended person it is important to "…get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger" – WHY? Because wrong things can be so easily said and done in return. 1 Peter 3:9 says that we should not return insult for insult, but give a blessing instead. This is what Jesus demands of us.
Here are some aspects of negative speech that we should avoid.
Be careful to label people…. he / she is a so and so.
Be careful to use sarcasm, ridicule, and mockery.
Be careful to use exaggeration and words such as, “you always” or “you never.” Be careful to grumble and complain. We are called to do all things without grumbling or complaining (Phil. 2:14).
Be careful to use destructive criticism.
Be careful to speak under the influence of anger. We saw in 4:26, 27 that anger needs to be carefully controlled.
Be careful to argue for arguments sake or to win an argument.
Be careful of every kind of deception, lying and manipulative speech.
Be careful not to indulge in gossip and slander. Do not use profanity, and especially do not use the Lord’s Name in vain (e.g. O my God). Do not engage in filthy talk, foolish talk or crude joking (cf. 5:3, 4)
(ii) DO! "...but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."
At the same time we must not presume that we are not to use our God- given tongue. Clearly, the tongue also has healing powers. The tongue has much potential to do well. What we say has so much potential for bringing healing. Our mouths can be true means of God’s grace!
Think of the times when you had spoken to someone, and when they said: “Thank you for saying that – it meant a lot to me… it helped me … it turned me from a wrong path … it encouraged me … comforted me … rebuked me … warned me etc.
The book of Proverbs affirms that the tongue may have a wonderfully positive effect:
• Prov. 10:20 “The tongue of the righteous is choice silver…
• Prov. 12:25 “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. “
• Prov. 15:2 “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.”
• Prov. 15:4 “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”
Paul gives the Ephesians positive and helpful counsel on how to use the tongue:
• Eph. 4:25 …to speak truthfully.
• Eph. 4:29 …to speak according to that which is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
• Eph. 4:31 …to be kind and compassionate to one another.
• Eph. 5:4 … to use your tongue for thanksgiving.
Build others up through frequent encouragement, praise, appreciation and gratefulness: “Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.” (1 Thess. 5:11).
Let your speech be seasoned by the fruit of the Spirit - love, patience, peace, kindness, gentleness.
When you need to correct someone do it in the same spirit.
Never lash out, even if the person is in the wrong.
Pray about your response and think how to help the other person to grow in Christ.
Every pastor and every Christian should know and practice 2 Timothy 2:24-25, “The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth."
Our text suggests in particular that we speak, “…but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. “
Ask yourself therefore:
Am I building others up?
Is my mouth a means of grace?
Am I meeting a need with the words that are coming out of my mouth?
Am I building up the faith of the people who listen to me?
You see, it is not just a matter of avoiding dirty (rotten) words.
It is not just about training ourselves to engage in positive speech which can simply end in flattering others.
We are called to train ourselves in constructive, up-building speech.
Learn to leave others behind in a better shape than you find them. That is the Christian extra!
May the Lord Himself sanctify our tongues through and through, so that in all our speaking we may give glory to His Name, for that is the purpose for which we have been created.
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