Ephesians 5:22 -33 CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE #2 - A Note to Wives

 

There are many anecdotes about Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1964), British prime minister.  At a dinner party a woman once said to  him, “Sir, if you were my husband I would give you poison to drink!” -  to which he replied, “Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it!” At another dinner party the guests were asked the question, “If you could be anyone else who would you be?” Everyone wanted to know what Winston Churchill's answer  would be. He said, “If I could be anyone else, I’d be…” and  he  takes his wife, Clementine’s, hand and says, “I’d be Lady Churchill’s second husband.”  It is well documented that Winston and Clementine were deeply devoted to each other. 

The pattern of a healthy marriage according to Ephesians 5:22-33 can be summarised in two words:  submission and sacrifice. This pattern is reflected in the way in which the Church  submits to her Lord Jesus,  and it is reflected in the way in which He  sacrifices Himself for the Church.  This submission is also reflected in 5:22, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord”  and this sacrifice is found in 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

Today we look at the role of the wife. I am so glad that you singles and you men are here, for all of you are important members of society. You are here to help and to uphold and support the role of a wife in society. The idea of being a wife and a mother has been ridiculed for years now, but this has not improved our society. Marriages, men and children  have suffered  at the hand of  the disregard of the noble calling to be a wife.  The world says to a woman ‘if you submit yourself to your husband, you will diminish- you will just be a doormat.’ Jesus says, ‘On the contrary, you will increase, because my commands are always for your blessing.’ So, we have a lot of catching up to do as we  aim  to uphold and keep sacred that which God   has created.  We propose the following outline concerning  a wife’s submission from 5:22-24

1.      5:22a The matter  of submission:  “Wives submit to your  own husbands…”

2.      5:22b The manner of submission:  “as to the Lord…”

3.      5:23    The motive for submission: “For the husband is the head of the wife …”

4.      5:24a The model of submission: “… as  the church submits to Christ…”

5.      5:24b  The magnitude  of submission:  “… in everything…”

  1.                  The matter  of submission:  “Wives submit to your  own husbands”

OWN husbands … she is not called to be submissive to all men, but only to her own husband. This is the man she possesses. This is her own husband. He is hers, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. There is a lovely sense of possession in that. He belongs to her, yet she submits to him. God is not asking wives   to do something unusual. This is God’s ‘normal’.  And remember that we are ALL called to submit in some form or another. We are all called to submit and serve in different capacities.  As a pastor I often have to serve you at personal cost and at great odds and inconvenience and against misunderstandings. I do it for your sake,   out of reverence for Christ. And you likewise have to do the same at great personal cost and inconvenience… and out of reverence for Christ.

For the wife submission to her own husband is a special calling from God. She is called to be her husband’s companion, his  submissive equal. He is immensely thankful and grateful, because of  this  great supportive role  that she  has  in  the calling  which God  has called him to.  Proverbs 31 is a wonderful chapter written by a husband in praise of his wife. And the main thing here is that she is a woman who keeps their home in great shape. She is busy, productive and industrious. This husband trusts her and recognizes that she does him and the children, and so many others much good (Prov. 31:12,28). Talking about children – she builds loyalty to her husband in her children. She doesn’t break him down or undermine  him  subtly before them. She creates a home of biblical prosperity, beauty, peace. She is trustworthy and dependable. Who doesn’t want a home like that?

There are a few more things that we could say about this wife.  She is an open, lovingly  honest communicator. In Proverbs 31:26 we read that “she opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue”.  She knows how to tell her husband the truth in love (Eph. 4:25). In keeping  with what we have learned in Ephesians 4 we know that she is in control of herself because she is learning Christ (4:20). She learns how to deal with her emotions (Eph.4:26,27).  She is content with her husband – in terms of who he is, what he provides- and in Proverbs 31 we see that she supplements their income.  We also know that she is possessed of an inner beauty, which in God’s sight is very precious (1 Peter 3:3-5).  She is all this, because she is a woman who ultimately pursues God. Everything she does is for God’s  glory. She knows ultimately that her marriage is not about her. It is about God. Because of this she will not make her husband an idol. She knows that her husband will make mistakes. That’s the hard thing about following a husband. But her eyes are on the Lord as  she prays for him.  

2.                  The manner of submission: “…as to the Lord…”

Wives are called to respond to their own husband as if they were responding to the Lord Jesus Christ. In 1 Peter 3:1-8 this even applies to difficult, unbelieving husbands. Her submission will carry its own reward. Sadly, many women, married  to difficult  husbands cannot think that way, and this is where the marriage becomes complicated. Wives, the more difficult your husband, the clearer your focus must be on the Lord.  

There is obviously a limit to what constitutes an appropriate submission. No wife can submit to her husband in a way that dishonours God. We have precedents of this in the Bible. In the book of Esther, queen  Vashti the first wife of  king Ahasuerus (Xerxes) was asked  to perform a  dance  before a drunken crowd, and she refused, rightly so (Esther 1:12). In  the Acts the Apostles when forbidden to preach the gospel, Peter and John said, “we must obey God rather than men” (Acts 4:19,20). Our submission is always to the Lord. That includes refusing (graciously) that which He would not permit us to do. Again, a wife’s  submission is ultimately to the Lord and for the Lord’s sake.

3.                  The motive for submission:  “For the husband is the head of the wife …”

Why should she submit?   Because that is God’s design! Just as a body submits to the brain which is in the head by design, so the wife submits to the husband who is the head by design. Where a brain does not function properly  you will find a handicapped, a deformed body. You see a dysfunctional person. And the same is true in a marriage. Where a wife does not function properly  there is deformity and dysfunction in the marriage.  You cannot go against God’s design and hope to get away with it. God’s laws will break you. And wives, don’t ever think that your husbands have the easy part of the deal. Remember that  his calling is to   serve you- to sacrifice –to lay down their lives for you in a Christ-like fashion. And 1 Peter 3 reminds wives  that even if your husband  is not a godly man, that your obedience and love for Christ  should  be boldly reflected in all you do. Remember too, that you chose to marry your husband.

4.         The model of submission: "As Christ also is the head of the church" (5:23) … “as  the church submits to Christ…” (5:24).

With the same willing heart that the church has in obeying Christ, the wife is to submit to her husband. We are talking about a significant model here. In the same complete non-grudging, joyful way in which the church is to submit to Christ, so wives are to submit to their  husbands. And then in 5:23 this phrase is added concerning Christ, "Being the Saviour of the body."  The church submits to the Lord Jesus Christ, the One who has saved her – hence her Saviour.  The church gladly submits to Christ, because we understand our weakness,  as we also understand His strength, and so we live in dependence upon Him. We are to do the same thing in marriage. A wife submits  to her  husband  as her protector,  the one who if necessary will lay down his life for her –in that sense being her saviour. Jesus has given you wives a husband for that purpose.  

5.         The magnitude of submission:  “… in everything…”

What is the character or the nature of that submission? What does it look like? It means  that you as a wife  acknowledge  that God has established an order in which  He has  called your husband to exercise leadership in the home. This is the “everything” referred to here.  He is called by God to bear final responsibility in the home for everything.  And for this task you have to respect him (cf. 5:33). Pray for him because you know that God will call him to account for his leadership. 

In all these things  older women can be of tremendous help to younger women  (see Titus  2:3-5)

SUMMARY

Wives understand their distinctive roles by considering how the church relates to Christ. Husbands understand their distinctive  roles  by  considering  the way in which  Christ relates to the church.

Now  we need to go back once again to  the beginning in Genesis 3, and ask  ourselves:  Why is this such a big issue  and why  do we need to get our thinking about this right?  Clearly, there is great confusion and ignorance concerning the meaning of marriage. Some people think that  the concepts  of  headship and submission  where added after the fall. This is not so.  The roles of man and woman were defined already before the fall. However after the fall the husband’s humble, loving headship was perverted. Left to themselves some men become tyrannical, power grabbing, hostile, aggressive dominators (Gen. 3:16). In other men it has the opposite effect. They become lazy and indifferent and leave everything to their wives. After the fall likewise the wife’s humble, willing submission became, in some women a scheming, deceitful, manipulative spirit.

We know that the Lord Jesus has come to save in a very full way. When He saves us He  redeems us and our relationships. That  is precisely  what we find in Ephesians 5:22-23!

In 5:22  God  says to   women :  “Wives, let your fallen submission be redeemed by  learning  from the church’s  submission  to Christ!”   And in 5:23 God says to men,“Husbands, let your fallen headship be redeemed by learning   from Christ’s  love for the church by laying down your lives as loving leaders  for your wives  even as  Christ laid down  His life for the church.”

Do you think that a wife will not submit to a husband that loves her in this Christ-like, loving sacrificial way?  Do you see and follow the biblical logic? A biblical view of marriage makes it clear that there can be no abusive, domineering husbands. The Bible makes it clear that submission is not about being  inferior. It is about being a dignified partner   and co- worker, responding the way the church does to Christ.

 A woman who is married to a man like this will never be sorry that she has married him.