Ephesians 6:1-4 PARENTS AND CHILDREN

 

This section on parents and children in 6:1-4  builds  upon  the  doctrine of marriage  in 5:22-33. Children are, after all, the product of   a man and a woman – a marriage. So, children  need a good  understanding  of  the biblical  roles of men and women in marriage, so that  they in turn become healthy individuals  by  seeing the truth in action.  If  dad truly loves  mum in the way God  says he ought to , and if mom  relates to dad  in the way in which God   says she ought to,  then children  will grow up with a healthy perspective  and framework on marriage  and relationships.  They will have been coached well for life through a mentoring process without equal.

 OUTLINE

1.      6:1-3 A child’s  God-given  duty  to  their  parents

2.      6:4  A parent’s  God –given duty to their children  

 1.      Eph. 6:1 – 3  A child’s  God-given duties  to their parents

Children, do you recognize that you have God-given duties to your parents?  This text teaches you that children are held accountable by God. The Bible says, “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."  A child that grows up with a pattern of obedience, discipline, and a sense of respect for their parents will become good marriage partners and respectful persons that can make any other human relationship work.  The word translated as obey[1]  literally translates, “be under the authority (of your parents) and listen". The Bible says furthermore that children must obey their parents in the Lord. Children should obey their parents out of reverence for Christ (referring back to  5: 21) …  “for this is right “. Col. 3:20 (a parallel passage) adds, “for this pleases the Lord“.

How do children truly show their reverence and respect for God? By obeying their parents! In fact, this is the greatest duty of a child. What reasons does Paul give that children are to obey their parents?

(i)                 6:1 "…for this is right!"  Because God says so in His Word. Paul takes us back to the foundational principles of God’s law - the 10 commandments (Exodus 20). Why are the commandments important?  The Bible recognizes the fact of   original sin!  Children do not come into the world ready to obey. They are born with an inclination towards sin. Disobedience comes naturally. Obedience, by contrast does not come naturally. One has to learn obedience.  Our model for parental love is God our Father Himself. Hebrews 12:6 teaches, "For the Lord disciplines the one he loves ...". Life in a fallen world requires parental discipline. Both, father and mother are involved in that process (Prov.1:8). Discipline, shunning evil, and right relationships are learned in childhood.   Many warnings relate to children’s interactions with bad company  (e.g.  Prov. 1:10-19).  The child  in Proverbs 2  is s encouraged to replace ungodly habits with wise  ways of living,  a pattern which we have already observed in Eph. 4:22,23.

(ii)               6:2  Here Paul appeals to the moral law of God: “Honour your father and your mother..." (Ex. 20:12). The OT remains the foundation of our Bible. We are to honour our parents – literally “to hold them in reverence or awe”.  In Matt.  15:1-6  Jesus applied this command  also as  supporting them when they are old and in need of care.  There He was dealing with the scribes and Pharisees who abused  their parents  in this regard  and  withheld  promised support for their parents. The same  idea  is found in  1 Tim 5:4, where  it speaks of  putting one’s religion into  practice, particularly where one has needy parents  or grandparents. We are to honour our parents throughout their lifetime (cf. 1 Tim 5:4;8). Let’s face it. Good parents live sacrificially and give everything they have to supply their children’s needs. The other side of the coin is that parents should be taken care of, when they can no longer meet their own needs.  This is surely God’s way of producing families that stick together, teaching each generation the important principle of unselfish love. In the OT (Exodus 21:15,17) a rebellious  child   was put to death.  The OT recognized that such a child was a rebel against God and ultimately a destructive and subversive influence upon society.

How does this apply to N.T. parents who live under grace and not under law?  They are not excused from ignoring their children’s rebellion. Grace teaches us  that  we must  pray  for our children, and  to discipline them  with great wisdom – and sometimes  with tears  and  great firmness. Grace also teaches us that we must leave the ultimate judgement of a rebellious child to the Lord. Remember that God’s ultimate judgements are far more terrible than ours!  Many Christian parents think that grace   means to  overlook  a child’s rebellion.  Did God’s grace to you mean that He overlooked your transgression? Certainly not!  In order to forgive you God substituted the  punishment  due to you on the cross, where Jesus bore our sins.  Grace is based on costly love.   Parental discipline may be costly.  So, children  it is  not  right to  disobey your parents – unless it is very clear that your parents are  commanding  you to do things that are contrary to the will of God.  We are going to deal with that in our next section.  

(iii)    6:3 Commandment and promise :     “this is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land...".  The promise extends to the quality  (that it may go well with you) and  quantity (living out of the full time God has allotted to us – not only here on earth, but also in heaven.

SUMMARY: This commandment needs to be taken seriously by children. Keeping of this commandment has positive rewards. Failure to do so incurs God’s wrath. The discipline that our parents administer to us is mild in comparison to a disobedient child who will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. They will suffer eternal punishment. In 2 Tim 3:2 the godlessness of the last days is associated with disobedience to parents. Children must learn to flee to Christ for salvation, since they are under  the same judgement as  their parents .

2.         6:4  A Parent’s  God – given duty to their children  

“Fathers, do not provoke (exasperate) your children to anger; but   bring them up in the discipline   and instruction of the Lord“

The education of the child essentially starts with how a husband relates to his wife. The best way to be a good father to your children is to be a good husband to their mother. How can the children learn to be obedient, if the parents aren't obedient? Apply this to the spiritual realm: How will children learn to be obedient to God, if their parents are disobedient to God? God has ordained that God-fearing parents should be the mentors of their children. God entrusts children to parents and not to nannies and grannies!

The question that comes immediately to mind is this.  Why does Paul address the fathers? The answer is simple. The father is the representative head of the home. In addressing the fathers the Bible addresses the one who is ultimately responsible in the home. When Eve sinned in the garden, God called Adam to account! This is also entirely consistent with the rest of Scripture. In 1 Tim  3:4-5   the Bible says  that an elder -  the husband must ‘manage his own household well, and  see to it that his children obey him with proper respect … “. In Deuteronomy 6 the same  duty is  enjoined upon fathers  as  the leaders of their household. This does not mean that mothers have nothing to do with discipline in the home.  In Proverbs 1 we see that mom and dad are responsible for the teaching and discipline of their children. But the buck stops with dad.

Parents  (fathers in particular)  are called not to provoke their  children to anger[2]. In the parallel passage in Col. 3:21 we read, “Fathers do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged”. Fathers must take the lead in seeing that this does not happen. This is easier said than done. Show me a parent who says that they are free of this temptation, and I'll show you a parent in deep denial. Parenting is an extremely humbling experience.  Having said that there are ways of exasperating children : i.e. through inconsistent discipline, under-discipline and over discipline. 

(i)                 Inconsistent discipline:  Rules that are announced only after a child has broken them; by threatening that does not get applied; by applying rules that are constantly changed;  through rules that are only enforced under a parent’s anger.

(ii)               Under-discipline: Children need boundaries and parents must give them clear boundaries. When there are no boundaries and the discipline is not consistently applied, the children will eventually just give up.  

(iii)             Over-discipline:  The problem of being too severe. The punishment must fit the crime; Our homes are not a boot-camp where a rigid regimen is kept; where shouting is the order of the day; where parents constantly say “no!” to everything ; who never encourage the children   or to show appreciation for what they do;  who appear to be faultless, who never  say sorry. In this regard children need to   sometimes see how mom and dad settle differences among themselves. 

How  are parents to  bring up their children?   

“… bring them up in  the discipline/ training and instruction  of the Lord“.  Our real authority for their training is of the Lord. The word used here for ‘discipline’  (Gk. paideia)  means  training with structure. It envisages patient, persistent training until a right way of life is produced in the child. The second word, translated as  instruction (Gk nouthesia)  means counselling with a view to correction.  The first word has to do  with external discipline (i.e. structures), the second word deals with  inward disciplines – the heart, issues  such as growth in personal convictions.

The goal of parental discipline and nurture 

The goal  of   disciplining and nurturing and  instructing our children is ultimately for the glory of God.  Parents must not use their children to make them feel good. Parents must not live out their unfulfilled dreams  through their children. That would be idolatry. Parents must teach their children to love God and to worship Him alone.

Here are some ways in which you can nurture, instruct and discipline your children  

• Show your children something great to live for–things that really matter (sport is a poor substitute). Make God relevant in all aspects of their lives. Make the Bible the most important book in their lives. Teach them to remember the words of John Bunyan:  “This book will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from this book“.
• Show them the disciplines of balanced living: physical, emotional, spiritual. 
• Teach them how to be wise in their use of material   things.   
• Show them the importance of church life, and  the importance of  keeping the Lord's day holy- it’s written in the same list as  “honour your father and your mother”.    
• Pray for your children and teach them to pray.  Many have testified to the power of their fathers and their mother's prayers. 

Parents that   train and discipline their children with godly love will reap a harvest in due time, if they do not give up   (Gal. 6:9). A child whose parents truly  love  God, will be  loved. Their parent’s discipline will not be  stern and vindictive, but seasoned with grace and  always redemptive, and always  with this one purpose in mind: that the hearts of their children would be taken captive for the glory of God alone!

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[1] Gr.  hupakouo  - lit. 'under' and ' to hear'

[2] parorgizete

Ephesians 5:22 -33 CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE #2 - A Note to Wives

 

There are many anecdotes about Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1964), British prime minister.  At a dinner party a woman once said to  him, “Sir, if you were my husband I would give you poison to drink!” -  to which he replied, “Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it!” At another dinner party the guests were asked the question, “If you could be anyone else who would you be?” Everyone wanted to know what Winston Churchill's answer  would be. He said, “If I could be anyone else, I’d be…” and  he  takes his wife, Clementine’s, hand and says, “I’d be Lady Churchill’s second husband.”  It is well documented that Winston and Clementine were deeply devoted to each other. 

The pattern of a healthy marriage according to Ephesians 5:22-33 can be summarised in two words:  submission and sacrifice. This pattern is reflected in the way in which the Church  submits to her Lord Jesus,  and it is reflected in the way in which He  sacrifices Himself for the Church.  This submission is also reflected in 5:22, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord”  and this sacrifice is found in 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

Today we look at the role of the wife. I am so glad that you singles and you men are here, for all of you are important members of society. You are here to help and to uphold and support the role of a wife in society. The idea of being a wife and a mother has been ridiculed for years now, but this has not improved our society. Marriages, men and children  have suffered  at the hand of  the disregard of the noble calling to be a wife.  The world says to a woman ‘if you submit yourself to your husband, you will diminish- you will just be a doormat.’ Jesus says, ‘On the contrary, you will increase, because my commands are always for your blessing.’ So, we have a lot of catching up to do as we  aim  to uphold and keep sacred that which God   has created.  We propose the following outline concerning  a wife’s submission from 5:22-24

1.      5:22a The matter  of submission:  “Wives submit to your  own husbands…”

2.      5:22b The manner of submission:  “as to the Lord…”

3.      5:23    The motive for submission: “For the husband is the head of the wife …”

4.      5:24a The model of submission: “… as  the church submits to Christ…”

5.      5:24b  The magnitude  of submission:  “… in everything…”

  1.                  The matter  of submission:  “Wives submit to your  own husbands”

OWN husbands … she is not called to be submissive to all men, but only to her own husband. This is the man she possesses. This is her own husband. He is hers, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. There is a lovely sense of possession in that. He belongs to her, yet she submits to him. God is not asking wives   to do something unusual. This is God’s ‘normal’.  And remember that we are ALL called to submit in some form or another. We are all called to submit and serve in different capacities.  As a pastor I often have to serve you at personal cost and at great odds and inconvenience and against misunderstandings. I do it for your sake,   out of reverence for Christ. And you likewise have to do the same at great personal cost and inconvenience… and out of reverence for Christ.

For the wife submission to her own husband is a special calling from God. She is called to be her husband’s companion, his  submissive equal. He is immensely thankful and grateful, because of  this  great supportive role  that she  has  in  the calling  which God  has called him to.  Proverbs 31 is a wonderful chapter written by a husband in praise of his wife. And the main thing here is that she is a woman who keeps their home in great shape. She is busy, productive and industrious. This husband trusts her and recognizes that she does him and the children, and so many others much good (Prov. 31:12,28). Talking about children – she builds loyalty to her husband in her children. She doesn’t break him down or undermine  him  subtly before them. She creates a home of biblical prosperity, beauty, peace. She is trustworthy and dependable. Who doesn’t want a home like that?

There are a few more things that we could say about this wife.  She is an open, lovingly  honest communicator. In Proverbs 31:26 we read that “she opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue”.  She knows how to tell her husband the truth in love (Eph. 4:25). In keeping  with what we have learned in Ephesians 4 we know that she is in control of herself because she is learning Christ (4:20). She learns how to deal with her emotions (Eph.4:26,27).  She is content with her husband – in terms of who he is, what he provides- and in Proverbs 31 we see that she supplements their income.  We also know that she is possessed of an inner beauty, which in God’s sight is very precious (1 Peter 3:3-5).  She is all this, because she is a woman who ultimately pursues God. Everything she does is for God’s  glory. She knows ultimately that her marriage is not about her. It is about God. Because of this she will not make her husband an idol. She knows that her husband will make mistakes. That’s the hard thing about following a husband. But her eyes are on the Lord as  she prays for him.  

2.                  The manner of submission: “…as to the Lord…”

Wives are called to respond to their own husband as if they were responding to the Lord Jesus Christ. In 1 Peter 3:1-8 this even applies to difficult, unbelieving husbands. Her submission will carry its own reward. Sadly, many women, married  to difficult  husbands cannot think that way, and this is where the marriage becomes complicated. Wives, the more difficult your husband, the clearer your focus must be on the Lord.  

There is obviously a limit to what constitutes an appropriate submission. No wife can submit to her husband in a way that dishonours God. We have precedents of this in the Bible. In the book of Esther, queen  Vashti the first wife of  king Ahasuerus (Xerxes) was asked  to perform a  dance  before a drunken crowd, and she refused, rightly so (Esther 1:12). In  the Acts the Apostles when forbidden to preach the gospel, Peter and John said, “we must obey God rather than men” (Acts 4:19,20). Our submission is always to the Lord. That includes refusing (graciously) that which He would not permit us to do. Again, a wife’s  submission is ultimately to the Lord and for the Lord’s sake.

3.                  The motive for submission:  “For the husband is the head of the wife …”

Why should she submit?   Because that is God’s design! Just as a body submits to the brain which is in the head by design, so the wife submits to the husband who is the head by design. Where a brain does not function properly  you will find a handicapped, a deformed body. You see a dysfunctional person. And the same is true in a marriage. Where a wife does not function properly  there is deformity and dysfunction in the marriage.  You cannot go against God’s design and hope to get away with it. God’s laws will break you. And wives, don’t ever think that your husbands have the easy part of the deal. Remember that  his calling is to   serve you- to sacrifice –to lay down their lives for you in a Christ-like fashion. And 1 Peter 3 reminds wives  that even if your husband  is not a godly man, that your obedience and love for Christ  should  be boldly reflected in all you do. Remember too, that you chose to marry your husband.

4.         The model of submission: "As Christ also is the head of the church" (5:23) … “as  the church submits to Christ…” (5:24).

With the same willing heart that the church has in obeying Christ, the wife is to submit to her husband. We are talking about a significant model here. In the same complete non-grudging, joyful way in which the church is to submit to Christ, so wives are to submit to their  husbands. And then in 5:23 this phrase is added concerning Christ, "Being the Saviour of the body."  The church submits to the Lord Jesus Christ, the One who has saved her – hence her Saviour.  The church gladly submits to Christ, because we understand our weakness,  as we also understand His strength, and so we live in dependence upon Him. We are to do the same thing in marriage. A wife submits  to her  husband  as her protector,  the one who if necessary will lay down his life for her –in that sense being her saviour. Jesus has given you wives a husband for that purpose.  

5.         The magnitude of submission:  “… in everything…”

What is the character or the nature of that submission? What does it look like? It means  that you as a wife  acknowledge  that God has established an order in which  He has  called your husband to exercise leadership in the home. This is the “everything” referred to here.  He is called by God to bear final responsibility in the home for everything.  And for this task you have to respect him (cf. 5:33). Pray for him because you know that God will call him to account for his leadership. 

In all these things  older women can be of tremendous help to younger women  (see Titus  2:3-5)

SUMMARY

Wives understand their distinctive roles by considering how the church relates to Christ. Husbands understand their distinctive  roles  by  considering  the way in which  Christ relates to the church.

Now  we need to go back once again to  the beginning in Genesis 3, and ask  ourselves:  Why is this such a big issue  and why  do we need to get our thinking about this right?  Clearly, there is great confusion and ignorance concerning the meaning of marriage. Some people think that  the concepts  of  headship and submission  where added after the fall. This is not so.  The roles of man and woman were defined already before the fall. However after the fall the husband’s humble, loving headship was perverted. Left to themselves some men become tyrannical, power grabbing, hostile, aggressive dominators (Gen. 3:16). In other men it has the opposite effect. They become lazy and indifferent and leave everything to their wives. After the fall likewise the wife’s humble, willing submission became, in some women a scheming, deceitful, manipulative spirit.

We know that the Lord Jesus has come to save in a very full way. When He saves us He  redeems us and our relationships. That  is precisely  what we find in Ephesians 5:22-23!

In 5:22  God  says to   women :  “Wives, let your fallen submission be redeemed by  learning  from the church’s  submission  to Christ!”   And in 5:23 God says to men,“Husbands, let your fallen headship be redeemed by learning   from Christ’s  love for the church by laying down your lives as loving leaders  for your wives  even as  Christ laid down  His life for the church.”

Do you think that a wife will not submit to a husband that loves her in this Christ-like, loving sacrificial way?  Do you see and follow the biblical logic? A biblical view of marriage makes it clear that there can be no abusive, domineering husbands. The Bible makes it clear that submission is not about being  inferior. It is about being a dignified partner   and co- worker, responding the way the church does to Christ.

 A woman who is married to a man like this will never be sorry that she has married him.

Ephesians 5:22-33 CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE #1 - A Word to Husbands

 

Last time  we had looked at 5:21  – “submit (Gr. hupotasso)  to one another out of reverence for Christ…”.  The essential reference point in this verse is Christ. Christ-centred submission arises from obedience to the authority to the Word of God (because God says so). The God who made the universe and the world, and everything in it, created us also in His image as men and women. According to creation design He has ordered us to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

The question therefore arises: How shall we submit to one another out of reverence for Christ, particularly now in the matter of the various relationships before us in 6:22 -6:4?   In particular, how does this work out   in terms of that primary of all relationships –  a husband and a wife?

We begin with a fundamental observation  

Our relationships flourish when we submit to God’s order and design for living! We flourish when we recognise (intellectually and  actually)  that God has designed particular roles for men and for women, for husbands and wives, for parents and children and for societal relationships.

We are clearly facing a great challenge in this regard in our modern society. A prevailing modern world view   says that there are no specific roles / functional differences between men and women. The buzz word is “gender equality”.  If you ask an average modern man, “What is distinct about your masculinity?”,   or “what is your role as a husband?“ ,  or if you ask  an average woman, “What is unique about your femininity? ,   or  “what is distinct about your role as a wife?”,  many  are simply at a loss to give an answer. Many  people (incl. many professing Christians) are confused about the proper roles of husband and wife. Understand then, that God has written a law concerning marriage. It is embedded in Genesis Chapter 2: 18-25. Ignoring this law is like ignoring the law of gravity. You cannot jump from a high building and defy the odds.  Many experience unhealthy struggles and breakdown in their marriage relationships, primarily because they are ignorant  or even defiant  of God’s design.

I trust that you now see what follows in 5:21.  After declaring that there is to be mutual submission out of reverence of Christ, Paul devotes 12 verses to show us the difference in the way a husband and wife submit to each other out of reverence to Christ.

In the first place we see the wife’s distinctive role in submitting to the headship of her husband. (5:22-24)

In the second place we see the husband‘s distinctive role in the exercise of the loving headship of a Christ-like husband. (5:25-33)

To put that into practical language:  I am submissive to my wife in that I exercise that role for which God has called me as her God appointed head and in  in loving her in a Christ-like fashion.  She is submissive to me in the Lord who has appointed me as her head.   Christ is revered when we live like that!  He gets glory from our marriage  when we live like that, and instinctively we know “ this is right”  when we live like that- because it is beautiful  to see  a husband and wife living well together.

We live well together when we observe creation design. According to that  creation design  there is a distinction in which we serve each other as men and women and that distinction is  explained in terms of Christ (the husband- the head) and the church (the wife- the body). There are clear identities and clear roles.  And they are not designed for competition but for completion. The two personalities are one flesh. They are not two individuals always battling to subdue each other. They are two people subdued by Christ!  [Incidentally this is also the theme of  Eph. 2:11-22; 3:6 in which Christ, through the gospel  makes two divided people (Jews and gentiles)  into one household (the church)].  

Two identities. One purpose under God! Our society has a hard time to think about such expressions of unity, because sin has made us intensely selfish and self- absorbed. And yet God’s design is that two distinct people should exhibit one purpose: marriage! And marriage is a picture  of  Christ  and his church.

Think about our text again: Christ is Christ.  The church is not Christ.  The church is the church, and to obscure/ deny the distinctions/roles between Christ (who is uniquely the head), and the church (uniquely the body) would be confusing.   This is precisely so also  in   a husband/ wife  relationship:  the husband is the husband, and the wife is the wife.  The wife is not the husband and the husband is not the wife! And to ignore these vital distinctions and roles is to sow confusion into this relationship. This is what is happening in our modern society. Since we are now doing away with creation design  (through embracing gender fluidity) confusion  reigns. Increasingly biological men do not know whether they are men. Biological women do not know whether they are women. Dismantle God’s order and you will eventually dismantle society.

It is important to maintain a biblical worldview to preserve  not only society, but to preserve the biblical view of marriage.  I want to focus now on  the husband’s distinctive role. 

Next week we want to think about the wife’s distinctive role.

THE HUSBAND’S DISTINCTIVE ROLE

He is the head[1].   Headship   means  “leadership“. Eph. 1:21-23  makes this very clear.  In Creation design, the husband takes his cue from Christ, who  is said to be  “far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above  every  name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And he put all things under his feet and gave him as  head over all things  to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills  all in all.”  It is clear that Christ’s headship implies his leadership over the church.  So too, by divine design God has made men to lead their wives and families!  There is nothing sinister or threatening about that. It is God’s idea, not ours.  

How do husbands exercise their headship  in leading  their wives / families? 

1.      By diligently pursuing his own personal relationship with God.  A husband in God’s hands in a safe leader.  No man will be a healthy leader in his home, if he does not spend time with Christ and His Word, learning to be submissive to Christ. Without getting to know Christ, he will be tempted to follow his own imagination and even false and even  abusive  leadership patterns.  Learning from Christ makes a husband kind and considerate. 

2.      By loving their wives. By giving themselves up for their wives.  (5:25,28,33). This means that he puts her  first in terms of  all other earthly human relationships. Love her more than you own mother and father (5:31). The love for her is all embracing: physical, emotional, spiritual. Love her as you love your own body. The quality of that love is expressed in terms  of 1 Cor. 13:4-7.

3.      Sanctify her… by the washing  of water  with the word. Sanctification is the process of unlearning sin  and  growing in the image and likeness of Jesus. Husbands, help your wives to flourish spiritually. Encourage your wife to pursue her own close relationship with Christ. Your spiritual life can never substitute for hers.  The holy women of 1 Peter 3:5 who were submissive to their husbands are described by Peter as women who "put their hope in God". A husband who encourages his wife to pursue a relationship with Jesus will be safe with her.  Husbands and fathers – it is our  responsibility to lead in  worship at home. Sadly many men hand over the spiritual leadership of the home to their wives, because they are lazy or because she may in fact be spiritually stronger. Men! Grow up! Humble yourself before God. Train yourself  for spiritual growth. Become a godly man. Lead! In so doing  you will create an atmosphere for spiritual prosperity in the home.

4.      Leave your wife in a better shape than you have found her : …”so that he might present  the church to himself in splendour, without  spot or wrinkle or  any such thing that she  might be holy and without blemish.”(5:27)  At the end of your lives you should have  a more beautiful woman than the one you have first found.  This is because you have created an enabling environment through your submissive obedience to Christ – an environment  where your wife can flourish  like a fruitful  vine and your children like olive shoots around you table (Psalm 128:3-4).

When a husband shows this sort of Christ-like  leadership, and when he has the  courage to do these things,  then God is glorified, and Christ is exalted   and  his wife  will rejoice and his children will rise up and call him blessed. Indeed, it is easy to submit to and work with such a man  for the glory of God.

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[1] Gr. kephale

Ephesians 5:21 "Submitting To One Another Out Of Reverence For Christ"

 

We are about to consider the relationship between husbands and wives (and those who want to be husbands and wives!), between children and parents, and employers and employees. Nothing tells the truth about the reality of our Christian faith quite as much as the way that we live and behave in the home and at work. Before we consider this we must once again take note of the solid ground rules and foundations laid for us, for this teaching about relationships does not occur in a vacuum.  There is a ground prepared for us on which we need to stand if we are to live effectively as Christian husbands, wives, children and employees.

CONTEXT

We must consider once again what precedes our text.  In terms of the immediate context we previously considered 4 areas in which we should make every effort to live as wise people in days that are evil. These days are not just the days in which we live. They include the entire history of fallen humanity. In regard to this we are called  to  

 (i) 5:15,16  -  live wisely with respect to our use of time 

(ii) 5:17- not  make foolish decisions but seeking the will of God instead 

(iii)  5:18-  to be continually filled with the Holy Spirit instead of being under the influence of mind altering substances  such as alcohol. 

(iv) 5:19,20 -  our  Christian lives  ought to be characterized by music in our hearts i.e. joy and thanksgiving.

From the greater context (Eph. 4:17 - 5:21) we also observe that healthy relationships can only be built when we put off falsehood and lies and speak the truth (4:25); by controlling our anger (4:26-27); by  giving attention to honesty and work ethics (4:28); by engaging in  good principles of communication (4:29; 5:4); by dealing with twisted emotions such as bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, slander, malice (4:31);  by maintaining sexual purity (5:3) etc.  All of these aspects are fundamental to happy relationships.

All this leads us to the next important thought in 5:21, “submitting to one another out of reverence (fear) of Christ”. This phrase presents another important building block and in fact a transition to 5:22ff in which the apostle Paul speaks about three vital relationships-marriage, family and work.

But before we deal with these we need to understand the principle of mutual submission in 5:21.  In the original Greek this verse forms a part of a sentence which begins in 5:18 and   is made up of a whole string of present participles[1],  “….Be filled with the Spirit, addressing  one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody  to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always  and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence (lit. fear) for  Christ.”

Paul here introduces a controlling principle for effective Christian relationships in marriage, in the home and at work: mutual submission! Here we find 2 important principles :

(i)         The principle of mutual submission to one another comes before any submission is commanded upon wives to their husbands, children to their parents and employees (slaves) to their employers (masters).  Husbands must submit to their wives in fulfilling their God given roles. Parents must submit to their children in reacting in a godly manner to them. Masters (employers) must submit to their employees in being fair to them.

(ii)        The principle of mutual submission is subjected to the “reverence (fear) of Christ”.

Let’s consider these in turn:

1.      The principle of mutual submission  commanded

“…submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ”. This principle is deeply rooted in the way Jesus relates to us. Two illustrations from Scripture will help us to see this.

a. Matt 20: 20-28. The mother of James and John came to ask Jesus for a  special favour. She wanted her 2 sons to sit on Jesus left and right in the kingdom. Talk about a mother with future ambitions for her sons! Matthew’s account then goes on to tell us that the 10 other disciples were indignant about this presumptuous request. Jesus takes this opportunity to teach them principles of submission and servanthood: “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. 26 Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  This is Jesus’ explicit teaching on mutual  submission and service. It is rooted in His own example. Jesus our great  Leader submits himself to  His church. 

b. In John 13:12ff, on the night He was betrayed, Jesus visibly demonstrated this principle as He washed the feet of his disciples. Then He said to them: 13 “You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. 14 If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should ought to wash one another’s feet. 15 For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done for you. 16 Truly, truly I say to you, a  servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 If you  know these things,  blessed are you if you do them.”

These texts are clear. Jesus in all His infinite greatness laid aside His heavenly splendour   and became our servant (Phil. 2:5-8)   and supremely so on the cross, by laying down His life for ours. And what does He require of us? He requires of us to submit to one another (Phil. 2:1-4). And nowhere do we see the practical application more than in the mutual submission that we must show to one another in marriage, the family and at work.

2.      The principle of mutual submission is subjected to the “reverence [2](fear) of Christ”.

In submitting to one another we are expressing our active reverence (fear) of the Lord. This is our supreme motive why we submit to one another: out of reverence for Christ! The word used here is used in the sense of a reverential fear[3] for Christ which inspires us in terms of a constant carefulness in dealing with others. It has nothing to do with phobias.  It has nothing to do with slavish fear. It has to do with a great respect for the person of Jesus Christ, for whose sake  we discipline ourselves  to  love and serve others. Be reminded  that this is the disposition of those filled with the Spirit (5:18).  We bear the fruit of the Spirit to one another (Gal. 5:22-24)

The ‘fear of Christ’ is a significant and weighty phrase. The term is generally used in the OT in terms of ‘the fear of God’. So here we see Paul attributing divinity to the Lord Jesus Christ. We see this also in the way Paul easily substitutes ‘God’s kingdom’ as ‘Christ’s kingdom’ (5:5), and ‘God’s will’ for ‘Christ’s (the Lord’s) will’ (5:10,17), and  ‘worshipping God’ becomes ‘worshipping  (the Lord) Christ’ (5:19).  So, we need to step back and see the Lord Jesus Christ for who He is – He is Christ the Lord. “He is the Word, the Word who was with God, the Word who was God… the Creator of all things… the Life and the Light of men.” (John 1:1-4). He is the One whom we must revere, and we must have Him in mind when we deal with one another.

In particular we must now remember that it is this Jesus who has created all mankind in His image (Gen.1:27). When you look into the face of another human being, and even your enemy and the person who hurts you, you must remember that this person is an image bearer, belonging to God. Remember also that this person (and you) will one day give an account to God (Rom. 14:12. Matt. 12:36; 2 Cor.5:10; Rev. 20:12; 1 Pet. 4:5). And so, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ must begin there. This is a very great truth. We should greatly fear lest we forget and abuse this truth.

But this is supremely important when we speak about our closest relationships, beginning with our husbands, wives, families etc. The reason why we have breakdowns in these relationships, is because we stop fearing Christ; we lose sight of Christ, and when this happens our sinful self gets in the way. The apostle John   warns us about loving the world  and the  things of the world – the  desires of the flesh, the desire of the eyes and pride of life   more than Jesus. (1 Jn. 2:15). The chief of all sins is pride. Pride is the devil’s original sin-and it is ours. It is the arch sin, and it colours and disfigures so much of our life together. It does not even spare us in the church. Pride is intensely self-centred, and when focus is on self then God and others move into the background. This is what we see when chauvinist  men claim to be superior to women and when feminism despises the male counterpart.  All racism, tribalism, nationalism is built on this idea  that some  races or tribes or nations are superior. The further our society drifts from the doctrine of man and God  the more divided and confused it becomes.

We need the reverential fear of Christ, the fear of God to guard our relationships. My fallen nature needs this steady reminder in order for me to be a good husband and a father  and a friend and a pastor to you.  The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Prov. 1:7). It guards me. It keeps me steady. I must submit in reverential fear to Jesus to be a Christ-like husband to my wife, to be a Christ-like father to my children – a Christ-like pastor to my congregation. That is my call  from God. To submit myself to Him and therefore to you in the exercise of  these  duties  will ensure that  you receive the best   from me.  

The Christian doctrine of mutual submission is not man’s idea. It is God’s idea. And  God requires us to  submit to one another  in humility, by seeking the best  for  each other.  In this  Christians are not bound by cultural norms and laws of submission – which  in the hands of  fallen people can actually be very repressive  and demeaning. The Christian’s conscience is bound to our unchanging Jesus, who is the final word  on everything  and who has given us a blueprint for living.  

Learn the fear of the Lord.  Learn to look at people from His perspective. Learn to understand what your God –given  duties are, and then do them. You say that you love  God? Then fear Him by doing what is right in terms of being a godly husband, a  godly wife, godly parents, a godly church member. 

How will your works be judged on the day of Christ’s coming? One day you shall face that penetrating gaze of your Lord Jesus. What will you say? Will you say: “I believe that You died for me, and that You shed Your blood for me, but I did what I wanted; I did not obey Your commandments; I did not do what You clearly told me to do; I did not live the life of holiness about which You spoke to me from Eph. 4:17 – 5:21;  I did not want to submit to my God given duties.  Can you imagine what it will be to look into His eyes on that day?

The Lord Jesus is about to speak to us about how to submit to one another in the fear of the Lord – as husbands, wives, as children and employees. What excuses are you making in not submitting to everything that is written in the Scriptures? It is quite a thought that my lack of disobedience and my lack of submission out of reverence for Christ would harm you, and would harm the reputation of Christ upon earth. And sadly, the modern church  is by and large compromised  in this area. We are good at many things. But this one thing we lack! May God have mercy upon us.

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[1] A present participle is a verb form made by adding -ing to the base —that often functions as an adjective.

[2] Gr. phobos

[3] W.E.Vine: Expository Dictionary of biblical words